When It .es To Your Aging Parents Are You A Caregiver Or A Caretaker-ssport

Midlife with aging parents can be a blessing. Or, it can be a totally exhausting challenge. How is it for you? How is it for them? Do you care? Do you give care? Do you take care? Do you care, and take back? Im really not playing a word game with you. This is very serious. If youre involved in any way, shape, or form in the care of your aging or elderly parents, the questions are these: – Do you give freely of yourself, your care, your time, your service . . or, Do you expect something in return? – Are you a care-giver? Or, are you a care-taker? Theres no right or wrong answer. Its all a matter of how you define yourself in relation to your parent or parents. The fact is, though, that how you define yourself says a great deal about how things are going for all of you. Aside from all the history that came before, if you and your aging parents have a less than ideal relationship, your answers to the above questions could have something to do with the reasons. So tell me, are you a caregiver . . or a caretaker? How do you define yourself? Do you freely give of yourself, your care, your time, your service, etc. (i.e., caregiver)? Or, do you provide care with the expectation of getting something tangible in return (i.e., caretaker)? Do you care out of love? Or, do you care out of obligation and expectation? Do you offer and provide care because: – Your parents are your parents; and – Its just the way you were raised; and – The question of doing anything else would be ridiculous? Or, do you offer and provide care because: – Theres an inheritance at stake; and – You were raised to believe that you do what you have to do to get what youre owed; and – These are the hoops you have to jump through to be the one who gets it as opposed to the others who want it as much as you but arent willing to jump through those same hoops? Youre going to do what youre going to do. And, youre going to believe what youre going to believe about your parents and the relationship you have with them. The really sad part – if you follow the second line of thought, though – is that you have so little trust in the love between parent and child. Maybe thats justified. Im sure thats bound in your history, but I find it it kind of sad. Caring As Payback If you see the care you provide your elderly parents as CareTaking, what you really see is payback dont you? Im curious to know, though, why you connect caring with owing. Why do you treat it more as a business deal than an adult child/aging parent relationship? What are you afraid of feeling? What are you afraid will happen – really – if you let down your guard and actually give from your heart? Doing anything out of fear is a .promise of yourself and the person you were meant to be. Why sacrifice yourself to fear – even if your parents instilled nothing in you but fear? Unless, of course, theres some old anger and resentment driving your decision to care. Take care my friend if this is the payback youre seeking. If youve decided to care out of some sense of vindictiveness, stop now! Your parents are old. What do you hope to gain? Remember, you have to live with yourself when theyre gone. Dont go there, for either of your sakes. Caring As A Gift Caregiving is a gift. Its a gift we give to our aging parents, and to ourselves. (If you are – or have been – a caregiver, you know exactly what I mean.) Its hard work. Its exhausting work. Its frustrating work. Its WORK! But caregiving is truly a gift if you have it in yourself to do it. Its giving of yourself at every level of your being. Its often wondering what on earth youve gotten yourself into, and doing it anyway. Its noble, at the most nitty-gritty levels. Its a connecting, and a letting go. Its a choice. I dont know what your history is with your parents. I dont know what kinds of locks youve thrown up over the years to protect yourself from whatever it was they used to define you. Im not about to judge you for the choices youve made in the relationship you have with them – or the relationship you dont have. In spite of all that, I will say this one thing: If youve made a conscious decision to involve yourself in your elderly parents care, do it from that place inside yourself that is the giver rather then the taker. And if you cant – in good conscience – give your care freely, with no strings attached, step away from the physical act of caring. Make that the gift you give freely. Youll like yourself better for it in the long run. About the Author: 相关的主题文章: